Friday, December 23, 2011

Bloody Blast From Halloween Past

Halloween, 2008

Popping off somewhere between ultimate party and full scale riot, the Halloween 2008 heavy metal/blood wrestling party was a smash! Bikini-clad women wrestling in a pool of red corn syrup for a cash purse of $300, with black metal and punk bands blasting live all night.

I'm attempting to run sound. Matt Muscle's new band, TireFire, hits the stage and mayhem ensues. Violence spills out of the ring throughout the venue. Gutterpunks acting like drunken apes! Chicks sucker punching chicks! Chicks beating up dudes! Todd the carpenter is wasted, feeling up bloody chicks, falling into the sound board, attempting to choke random people. Some giant with a mohawk looks like he's about to kill him. I intervene by attempting to wrestle Todd into the blood pit, but I just end up tipping him over like a telephone pole. Todd has one leg. The band stops.

Muscle jumps off the stage, screaming, What the fuck are you doing??? That's my boss!! HE HAS ONE LEG!!

Everyone's starting to go nuts.

Another chick fight breaks out between our friend Stevie and some gutterpunk. I crank the Dead Kennedys, Halloween, over the sound system.

Outside, despondent gutterpunks are protesting the whopping 3 dollar cover at the door. Threats are made. Poggi, Jumbo, Muscle,
Benny, and I square off against at least twenty homeless kids with facial tattoos and poor hygiene. Some crusty is trying to call out Benny by calling him a preppy and pounding his chest like an ape. Poggi's roach coach serves tacos to the gathering spectators.

Everyone is talking shit.

Jay Poggi: Have you ever been stuffed into a soup can?

Gutterpunk: No. Why?

Jay Poggi: Cuz I can show you what it feels like. Look, there's a can right there!

Gutterpunk: (looks down, sees nothing) There's nothing there.

Jay Poggi
: Exactly.

Matt Muscle: Just leave. Go do laundry.

Gutterpunk: I'm not from here, I'm from the hood

Me: Little Red Riding Hood or Kevin Costner's Robin Hood?

Gutterpunk: There's 20 of us, and only 6 of you!

Benny: You better get 30.

We corral the stupid punks and their dogs with backpacks right on down the block, back to the gutter, and out of our hair. Barghest from Baton Rouge brought the black metal. TireFire were impressively evil-sounding. My band slayed. Evil Army slayed.

What did you do for Halloween?

1 comment:

justin said...

Hahaha, quite a yarn, a very good read. Sorry I've been a stranger round here, but it looks as though your time is spent elsewhere. Keep them coming bro, always enjoy what you have to say.